The Walking Head
on Aug 30, 2013
Hey Matthew - thanks for submitting. I think you guys show a lot of promise but overall I don't think the panel was feeling your premise that much.
You based your show around a pun and there isn't really much of a story.
Plot point 1: This guy gets bit by a zombie, so he needs to get his D sucked to save himself. Then that problem resolves itself pretty quickly. But maybe there's a hint of a story when he isn't appreciative of his friend? That almost feels like it could be a plot point and you could build a story around that. Meanwhile there's some affair/love triangle thing happening?Then the main guy gets his D bit off and a new problem comes up but we don't see it solved.
It's a really wonky story.
This show COULD work - if you saw a character have a problem, and watched him work all episode to solve it, and resolved it at the end. That's storytelling. But you don't do it, you kinda jump all over the place and it feels like an unresolved sketch.
If you're into this Channel 101 game, watch a bunch of first episodes of successful shows and watch how they set up a problem and tell a story. That's what you might want to try to do. I think you guys have a lot of the tools in place, you just have to reign it in.
Aug 30, 2013 at 12:56pm
This is my first month submitting to Channel 101 and I wanted to know if anyone had any suggestions for me on my next pilot? Thanks!
Aug 30, 2013 at 1:45am
You have to log in to comment. If you aren't registered yet,
© Channel 101. All rights reserved.