on Jul 26, 2013
This was great. It was just bad timing because after looking at all the pilots, We knew that "Skyfall" and "Ninja Cop" were for sure in the screening. So we were kind of maxed out on low budget fucking around stuff. Not sure if that's a bullshit reason or not. But take it like, next time we have to be better than the other low budget fucking around stuff by having really good jokes and setting a consistent tone (which both Skyfall and Ninja Cop had).
I also agree with Mike, limit those long static talking scenes. But I always love your stuff, it was nice for me to be back on the panel so I could see it again. One of these times you'll make the screening. And I hope you come down for it.
Jul 30, 2013 at 12:07pm
I love this.
Watch out with the laughing through the scenes stuff. Your production values are already low enough to be winking at us, don't double down on that, because it takes us out of the story. The laughing mummy at the end was earned and funny, but before that sort of crossed the streams.
The scene with the friend is kind of funny, but you're both literally sitting and doing nothing. Do something interesting to keep the energy moving.
I'd actually cut from :41 to 2:43. Just get to it, right? He gets bullied, trains with knives, kills him, tells his friend, end of show. We're missing that beat of defeat and self-discovery, but that's kind of funny. It moves the show along so fast that an audience doesn't have time to get ahead of you on the beats.
There's one word I would have cut, and you know what I'm talking about. You can go there, but you really have to earn that. Don't turn off a part of your audience with a throw-away line.
I would have pushed for this to get in the screening if I was in the panel. KNIVES 2!!
Jul 28, 2013 at 12:45pm
Jul 26, 2013 at 11:56am
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