Rejectee Therapy for Census Taker 2040
Started by Paul Bartunek on Mar 28, 2013
  • Woah, Doug did shoot this. Good job Doug.
    Apr 01, 2013 at 8:23pm
  • I want to comment on this show too! Because I think Paul and Danny are really funny & creative guys and I hope they'll make more stuff.

    It's just a clarity thing. It was a little confusing. Spend more time on making the stakes make sense, make them crystal clear. If you build a slightly simpler story you have more room for jokes and don't have to spend as much dialogue on explaining the complicated situation.

    This show looked really great. Paul should direct more shows and Doug Beatty should shoot more shows. Hooray!
    Apr 01, 2013 at 3:58pm
  • Ben and Dan are both correct. The pilot was good, the story just became hard to track.

    I actually made a pilot 2-3 years ago called 'Censeless' about a census taker set in present day. Starred Andy Peters and Paul Isakson. Idea was that the Census bureau had lost all their records and they needed a crazy person to go around and make up new census figures to save them. Looking back, that makes no fucking sense. I'm sure at the time I would have said "Exactly! It's called Censeless! Look I'm clever!". But unfortunately that's retarded. My show was a dud.

    I mention this not simply because our shows dealt with census taking (which is ratings catnip BTW), but because we both probably were gung ho about our show's concept and then thought the plot justified our enthusiasm. Sadly, it usually works the other way around. Your show sinks or swims based on the plot, not the world your show has created. Which in your case, seemed like a really cool and dystopian world.
    (To illustrate plot over premise; given the choice I'd rather see a Blade Runner show about a guy delivering mail order knives for, than a show about Harrison Ford writing a book report set on Mars in the year 2050. Think I'm kidding? Try mapping out those two ideas and see which is cleaner)

    All that being said, your show had a lot going for it. The acting, camera choices, and jokes were all great. You're closer to success than you realize.
    Apr 01, 2013 at 11:57am
  • Just to back up Ben's comments, it really struck everybody strangely that the show was set up as futuristic census taker show, but then placed the characters in a situation that didn't really relate to the premise. It's a cool concept, but it never really paid off.
    Apr 01, 2013 at 1:29am
  • Paul,

    This was a good pilot. You should have named this show "Band Joiner 2040", because the census thing didn't seem to have much to do with it.

    We spent 45 minutes talking about what the random retinal scanner thing at the end meant. We figured it was a vital part of your show, and since we couldn't make sense of it, we had to reject it.

    Mar 29, 2013 at 6:11pm
  • Feedback appreciated.

    Thank you.
    Mar 28, 2013 at 7:23pm
You have to log in to comment. If you aren't registered yet, Sign Up!