Feedback for 'MOINPO' https://vimeo.com/362328385
on Sep 26, 2019
Basically everything I said in the other rejectee thread applies here.
There are some cool stuff here, the animation and voice work is great.
Story/jokes need work. Combine this animation style with a solid story and some great jokes and you'll have something.
One other thing, no one likes watching credits. I'd keep them under 10 seconds. I get the impulse to credit people who worked on it and you should, but just keep it short.
Sep 30, 2019 at 8:35pm
As requested, just watched and here's some thoughts.
First off, according to the comment below and seeing the website link at the end of the pilot, this is something you haven't made specifically FOR channel 101? That's generally frowned upon. I'd say dig into the series that exist on the site and try to come up with something specifically for 101. But nevertheless, here's my feedback on this as a pilot:
Doesn't really feel like a show. You got a Moinpo character that you tell me is funny but doesn't do anything funny and a narrator that sort of tortures Moinpo but also not in a particularly funny way. There isn't a story. He wakes him up with a bucket and then asks him to pick a breakfast and then the end. Also, it's three minutes long but a full minute of it is either opening or closing credits. C'mon.
For your next show, keep it simple but slightly more complicated than this. Start with a character, give them a goal, put obstacles in their way, resolve it. Beginning, middle, end.
Good luck on your next thing!
Sep 28, 2019 at 1:01am
Password for video: breakfast
Sep 26, 2019 at 10:56am
* pared down - after a Google spellcheck
Sep 26, 2019 at 10:54am
Went out for a celebratory martini last night and scribbled down a few thoughts...
"Finally sent a very peared down version of 'MOINPO' to Channel 101. Most intense process of editing / sleep deprivation / coffee abuse / chain-smoking / self-induced starvation that I've ever gone through and really appreciated the experience! Feel like we sent a stinker but feel... Good..? To have tried..?"
Aaron Sage writing.
Sep 26, 2019 at 10:53am
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