Mascot Stories: Orville Cockenblocker
on Oct 26, 2012
Thanks for the notes guys, greatly appreciated. Looking forward to submitting something new in January
Oct 28, 2012 at 6:54pm
I agree with Mike.
After the first scene I wanted to let this in. Great filmmaking and jokes.
But then the story got repetitive. There were some real solid jokes "Cat Aids" and the Nic Cage tat especially, but the story didn't progress.
It seems like you know what you're doing, it looked and more importantly sounded good, and like I said you can definitely write jokes, so please keep making stuff.
I don't have much panel experience, but this probably would have made it the other two times I was on the panel, but there was just a lot of competent stuff this month and a lot of halloween themed shows.
Oct 27, 2012 at 1:10pm
So first of all, this was one of the toughest months for submissions we've had...uh, in months. Seriously there were about 20 submission and 10 of them would have easily made it in on other months this year. Yours was one of them.
We really liked the characters in the beginning. You pulled off the almost impossible "Two dudes talking" scene without it getting boring. Funny stuff. This was also well shot, and the audio was great (FUCKING THANK YOU!). Overall, you hit so many of the right marks on this.
As I said before, this was a tough month. It was also an unusually "Halloweenie" month as about 80% of the shows had some horror aspect to them. That tended to diminish the overall effect of your 'curse' story when there were at least 2 others in the mix.
I think the biggest issue the panel had was with the core of the story. The Orville Cockenblocker (and I can't believe I wrote that with serious intent) aspect felt a little too 'light' to hold the story. I think the audience was ahead of some of the jokes during the middle; we all knew that we was going to ruin the date in a variety of ways, it was just how that was the question. The end had a nice surprise reveal, but by credits I don't think we were sure how much of a series there was to this. That's presumptuous coming from a guy who runs around in a straw hat in his backyard each month, but there was worry about whether this premise could hold up each month.
But as I said earlier, it was a tough month. I encourage you to take a bigger swing next time and increase the stakes. You've got all the pieces of the puzzle there: great writing, acting, camera and sound. Now bump up the story telling one more notch and you might be the guy handing out pretentious advice after the February panel meeting!
Please, make more.
Oct 26, 2012 at 10:03pm
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts/criticisms. Thanks!
Oct 26, 2012 at 5:25pm
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