Doctor Whomst, feedback please!
on Oct 26, 2017
I missed the panel this past month but I just watched it. I think this is a solid first submission. My issue with this is the pace and the story. For something that's trying to be a Doctor Who type adventure, it doesn't feel like much of one. And yes I know you're poking fun at it but it still feels like one long stagnant scene. What works best I find is to always keep the story moving. Doctor Whomst has to go somewhere for whatever reason, gets into some trouble, gets out of the trouble. Keep it moving, get a few different locations, keep the jokes flying. Consider reading Harmon's essays on the story circle. Always helpful.
Outside of the story, what this really was lacking is a score. Even if you don't up your production value, music always helps something feel more like a thing.
Congrats on your first submission and hope to see more!
Nov 10, 2017 at 1:47am
Thanks so much, Tom. Great to hear you liked it, and thank you for the feedback - definitely has given stuff to work on for next time, so hopefully we can deliver something even better! (No we didn't make the screening, but this was only our first time so great to get some positives! And yes, please get your mate to watch, we'd love to hear any more feedback!)
Oct 27, 2017 at 8:59pm
Almost every joke landed well for me. The delivery of the "translation.... device" or whatever it read was my favorite. "Don't kink shame me," was also pretty funny. Did this pilot make it into screening?
As for improvements, I'd make certain edits quicker. Some shots felt as though to linger a little bit long. Quicker edits maybe. This might help you accentuate the shots where you DO want the camera to linger - when the Doctor is winking and dancing his eyebrows and shit.
I felt like the breast joke wanted more of a punchline, or a relevance to the plot or something. The camera just lingered awkwardly long on her chest... lol... If that WAS the joke you were making, then accent this with a visual/audio que of some sort. If your joke was the Doctor's reaction, then exaggerate this with how the breasts are presented. Doesn't have to be more pervy. They could light up and a chime plays or something. *shrugs*
Really only small improvements. I'll get my mate to watch it and post some more feedback in a bit (maybe).
Would like to see episode 2. Would also like to see a full 5 minutes. The puns were actually great imo, and the pacing wouldn't suffer if they were more spread out with some plot/drama sprinkled in between to keep the pace going.
Oct 27, 2017 at 5:20pm
Thanks, Paul! Appreciate the feedback and will put it into affect for our next pilot!
Oct 27, 2017 at 1:29pm
I thought this was pretty funny. The editing could have been tightened up. Maybe could use some sound cues/fx or minimal score? But the dry humor is great and I'm looking forward to seeing more!
Oct 26, 2017 at 8:09pm
This our first time submitting to Channel 101, so we'd love some feedback on our pilot, Doctor Whomst. Anything constructive would be much appreciated!
Oct 26, 2017 at 2:58pm
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