Glazed and Confused
on Sep 22, 2016
A little late to respond here, but thank you a ton for the feedback.
Feb 23, 2017 at 4:12pm
The story here is pretty slow and stagnant. You introduce your protagonist in an audition, set up he has an invisible friend, the therapist explains that he has an invisible friend, then he has another audition that he does well in because of the invisible friend and then the end. Too much set up, virtually no pay off.
The most successful shows set up the character goal as fast as possible and start running. What does your protagonist want? To get rid of the invisible friend? Kinda? But she's helping him? Seems muddled. My last two shows had the main character's goal be the title of the show itself. The sooner the audience knows the goal, the sooner they can get on board.
On a more subjective note, none of the jokes landed with the panel. Any possible problem a pilot has is always forgiven if the jokes land hard.
Thanks for submitting and hope you make more!
Oct 04, 2016 at 9:25pm
Thanks for the kind words man. I'm trying to sort out why we didn't get chosen to screen and what I can do to improve my chances in the future. If you, or anyone else has some constructive criticism for me, it would be very welcome and quite appreciated.
Oct 01, 2016 at 7:55pm
I think this pilot was really good.
Oct 01, 2016 at 5:03am
Well, My pilot where a man is rejected from hollywood and sees an invisible donut got... rejected.
If you have a second to spare, kind stranger, give it a watch and tell me where I went afoul.
Sep 22, 2016 at 2:20pm
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