on May 26, 2016
Hi there, Christian! I donít feel qualified to tell anybody about anything but I was at the panel so I feel compelled to try and tell you something.
Your pilot has so much going for it: it looks and sounds great, itís well-cast & acted and it plays with tone pretty effectively. Where things start to get tricky is on a story and pacing level.
If Channel 101 is partially a training ground for creative types, one of the most important lessons everyone in the community learns about (by failing over and over again) is storytelling economy.
Yum is about four and a half minutes long and the first minute is a cooking montage with no characters. Its main purpose seems to be just a tonal misdirect for the darker content that follows. Thatís already almost 25% of your time and you still have a complete story to tell. You can get away with that opening and it would be much more effective too if you cut it down. (Thereís a food joke about portion control in here somewhere but Iíll leave that to you).
Same goes for the actual story once it starts. Whatís here is kinda just a set up (a really cool one though!) and itís not yet a complete story. So thereís this weird fuck who secretly holds people captive on his property and force-feeds them his yummy dishes. Awesome! But now what? Who is this guy? Whyís he doing this stuff? Does anybody know about his secret crimes? Do his neighbors have a clue? Is a neighbor maybe an accomplice? Do friends and family of the missing notice that their loved ones are gone and try to take action? There are tons of places you can go with this and therefore you should! Just start asking yourself questions and try to answer them.
Here are two storytelling resources which I find extremely useful:
1. Dan Harmonís Story Circle - http://channel101.wikia.com/wiki/Story_Structure_101:_Super_Basic_Shit
Everybody talks about this all the time and it can get kinda fucking annoying but everybody talks about it all the time because it really fucking works.
2. Trey Parker & Matt Stoneís Rule of Therefores/Buts - http://www.mtvu.com/shows/stand-in/trey-parker-matt-stone-surprise-nyu-class/
This is literally the most useful piece of writing advice Iíve ever come across.
Anyways, that's my piece. Thank you so much for submitting and don't let this be the last time you do! Looking forward to seeing what you come up with next.
May 27, 2016 at 5:25pm
I was hoping for some feedback on Yum! if you please.
May 26, 2016 at 6:24pm
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