Comrade Epsilon Knows Best
on Mar 29, 2015
I LIKED IT MARK. I like that guy who played the Comrade. I liked how it was shot. I think it felt like a show. Maybe on a weaker month it may have screened? Not sure. It was a STRONG month for pilots. I mean, Car-Jumper got cancelled, ya know?
To give you some feedback, I think a couple things worth mentioning might be:
CONCEPTUALLY: When you have your main character communicate by transmitting their thoughts, I think you lose something. It's harder to connect with the story because there is that hurdle to overcome. I feel like it presented some unavoidable confusion at the panel. It's just not a kind of character interaction you're used to seeing, and didn't necessarily generate laughs. It's always hard in the development of a project to figure out what wacky choices will translate to enjoyment for the audience... and I think maybe this was just a direction that didn't bear fruit? What do I know, though, my show got cancelled so I clearly haven't figured it out. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It was a fun experiment, but I don't know if the comedy of the concept played. "He's a single dad but he's also a russian secret agent with mind-reading powers" - That's a cool concept in theory, but I just don't know if it played.
STORY MOMENTUM: I think the story you were trying to tell is the father trying to gain the respect of his daughter? But I only got that from how it wrapped up at the end. I loved how the daughter likes her dad now because he killed someone. I think that's real funny, but I don't know if I understood from the first scene what he was hoping to accomplish over the course of the episode - it's always nice to make that a little clearer. I don't know though, I don't know anything. My show got cancelled.
MORE SCENES: It's also worth noting that this pilot essentially had two scenes. The kitchen and the park. If you look at the three new shows that got voted back (as well as the other pilots and prime time shows) they really hop around and keep moving stacking scenes on scenes, which I think is important. I mean, don't stack as many scenes as Car-Jumper, we really fucked up, but find a sweet spot somewhere between two scenes and the twelve scenes we had.
Apr 06, 2015 at 11:07am
I was just wondering what the panel thought of my submission. Any feedback would be great.
Mar 29, 2015 at 11:38pm
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