Fuck You It's A MacGuffin
on Sep 27, 2014
There was a lot to like about this show. The concept might have been a bit busy...there was a lot going on in this show. A super simple idea executed well, will always play better than a complex idea executed okay. But for the most part this show worked. Next time try to make something with a very clear idea and story, and then add on to that.
Up until the end, the pacing was good. I think we cheered when he got suited up. But immediately after that is where you lost us completely. It went from a dynamic show, to locked-off static wide shots. (Was the bad guy at the end the one operating the camera for the rest of the show? It felt like you had to just put the camera on a tripod and roll. And if we feel that at the panel, it will feel even weirder at the screening).
I hope you make more shows though. Even though this was rejected, you weren't too far off from having something that could screen.
Sep 28, 2014 at 11:45am
Thank you both for the well thought out comments. Some very solid insight in there. Also, Wayne, thanks for tweeting it out, bud. That's rad.
Sep 28, 2014 at 10:21am
Anthony, I really dug this dude.
I have to disagree with Alex just a little, because I think this is certainly a concept that could make for an interesting and funny series.
Now, he is likely correct in that you didn't really prove out that potential in this particular video, but I think it's there.
Like, if the show was about this guy trying to live his normal life, but story tropes keep trying to force their way INTO that life, thusly disrupting it, you get an interesting kind of rhythm built into the show. It does, however, become more interesting if in the later episodes you fold in other genre fiction types.
He tries to buy groceries, realizes he's being tailed by the mob #justwantedtobuysomecrescentrolls . He goes in to work, turns out, there's somebody down in the lab trying to resurrect a loved one #shouldhavecalledinsick.
Perhaps he eventually finds himsel in a situation where several different genres of story are trying to invade his life, so he needs to evade all of them, while at the same time getting to his job interview on time.
I think the beginning of your pilot has the sort of rhythm I was talking about earlier, but once he kind of buys into the story, the flow of the thing starts to meander around.
Again, I really liked this. Will tweet the link, and maybe get you some views on Vimeo.
Definitely looking forward to what you submit next.
Sep 28, 2014 at 9:35am
This is funny. A lot of really clever jokes. I may be a bit biased because I dig meta stuff.
I wasn't on the panel and I haven't seen the pilots that did get in so I can't say for sure why this got rejected but to me, it felt like a sketch. Or a one-off story with a one-note joke. Like what would the show be if there was a second episode? He's just a regular film-noir detective now?
You tried to do a thing that is really, really tricky to pull off: having a protagonist whose goal is to not do things. The Coen Brothers did it perfectly with A Serious Man, but other than that, I can't think of another good example. It's always more compelling to have a protagonist who really wants something and we see him trying to get it and see why he wants it. Guy doesn't want film-noir tropes around him? Yeah okay, that's a premise for an internet video. Guy who needs to take a whole hospital hostage to get his dying son a heart? Heyo, that's a story. Even just flipping your story makes it more compelling in my mind: A guy loves film-noir so much that he tries to become a hard-boiled detective in the modern world where scary, mean criminals don't play by film-noir trope rules.
Anyway, good job, keep submitting. Also, up your production value or whatever. It's not as important as content but it wouldn't hurt.
Sep 27, 2014 at 1:13pm
Here is the link to our rejected pilot, Fuck You It's A MacGuffin. We'd appreciate any feedback before we start working on our August submission.
Sep 27, 2014 at 10:05am
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