Rejectee Therapy for Mr. Business
Started by James Jackson on Sep 26, 2014
  • Hey James,

    We liked this show at the panel meeting. The technical execution was all there. Camera, lighting, editing and audio were great.

    The story was a bit muddy though. We didn't know who the guy was and what he was doing. Shows that leave an audience hanging aren't satisfying (tagging your show with a cliffhanger AFTER you've told a full story can work though).

    I agree with the comments below. The show could have opened with the phone call, woman gets attacked, he rushes over to her house. This should have been the first 45 seconds. Then tell your story from there.

    I really hope you make another show. The show looked great and if you pair up your directing skills with a tighter script, I think you'll have no problem getting into the screening and doing well.
    Sep 28, 2014 at 11:31am
  • This was extremely well realized, man.

    Like Anthony said though, it looks like a short-film chopped up into parts, and not like a show.

    The next thing that you make (hopefully specifically for Channel 101) will probably fair better.
    Sep 28, 2014 at 9:14am
  • Lots of really good things about this piece, but I don't think you should end on a cliffhanger. Every piece should tell a complete story and not feel like "part 1" of a longer story. These are pilots, not short films.

    I also think the beginning was a bit long. The real story starts when the main character is on the phone with the girl and she gets attacked. Get to that quicker.

    Awesome lighting and awesome sound design, though. Really dig the style. Hope to see more from you.
    Sep 27, 2014 at 9:13am
  • Mr. Business

    Sep 26, 2014 at 10:44am
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